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#FlashBack Friday: Why Am I Not Attractive?


Let’s be sober for 10 seconds… Thank you! I asked for sobriety because even yours sincerely is tired of how chaotic my life gets by the second. I need that collective sober seconds to help me think of ways to solve my life’s problems.

Anyways, it is Friday from my end at least and I think switching things a bit won’t hurt a fly. I have been planning (all in my head) to transfer some of my posts from the old blog but that too might take forever so the #FlashbackFriday posts will be solely dedicated to doing that. Finally!

Today’s article is dated back to 2016 and reading it today reminded me so much of my struggles last year. I am so strong and sincerely wish that many young girls can sip from my strenght source…Enjoy.

I’m on my office desk, facing my computer and wondering what/who in God’s name put me up to this. I have gone over this a trillion times in the last three hours and the harder I try to convince myself to open a blank MS document and write what I am being paid to write, the more my heart keeps telling me someone needs to read this just to feel fine.

I shared with my sister and a close friend a few weeks ago, that one of the hardest things I have ever had to live with is being a twin.

It is my blessing but remains my curse  largely for the fact that she is my exact opposite. People readily compare us; an action that leaves me feeling inadequate. You see, I would rather let my hair down, never wear makeup or else I have been poked (now you know why I am never good at it), not a fan of matching colours and unconsciously walk with a determined “stay away” strut.

Summary in effect is while my mates learnt how to perfect their eyebrows, shave their legs and walk with that feminine bounce, I was too busy making sure I defended my weakling sister ( who by the way now fights for me ), so much that I became the tom boy and defender of the universe. While my mates discovered the perfect products for face contouring, I was too busy dreaming of building my empire and perfecting my “no man can help me with my shit” policy.

You know when shit got real? It has to be when everyone around me began talking about what this suitor got them and what another admirer promised to get them.

Something had to be wrong with me. Cars did not stop to offer me  rides, guys did not beg to take me for lunch or promise to fund my fun time. To make matters worse, my sister’s leftovers kept telling me how all of a sudden, I was the prettier, kinder and more mature twin.  No guy, I mean none offered me money in DJ Khaled’s voice to “spend for no reason”  I hated and still hate to beg so my broke states were usually so long lasting.

Small secret, I even sometimes felt my mom was disappointed because I never had the perfect suitor who would come to the house, offer  her money or buy her beautiful things. My twin on the other hand, was the star kid.

All my worries plagued me till  2016, my year of serious awakening and self realization…

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