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When I was but a child, and everyone my age wanted to be doctors, scientists and AERONAUTIC engineers, I secretly dreamed of travelling the world. Although I’d like to convince myself that I have got a lot of time to bring that dream to reality, I am afraid I would have to settle with my interstate travels. At least I qualify for the reputable title of Ajala the Traveler.

You can take me out of Lagos but I can assure you that it is taking longer than I expected to take Lagos out of me. While some of my shenanigans were absolutely normal in Lagos, I have been severely busted out of my reverie and living in the same state as Baba Buhari isn’t as seamless as I had imagined. By the way, who calls public transportation “Along” for crying out loud?

Many things I find hard to settle and I think sharing might help. When you choose to insult a Lagosian who takes a lot of time to boot, what is the best word to use? Apologies my Northern brothers but the word is “ABOKI”. As a Lagos bred Aboki, I have found myself in a series of near fatal situations where I have had to create story lines for calling an unsuspecting individual “Aboki”.

I for one thought the most pretentious elements on earth were Lekki Boys but interestingly, I have come to realize that Abuja men are the real MVPs. Imagine guys owning Range Rovers, G Wagons and no house? From what I have learnt, their expensive automobiles turns to makeshift condos at night.

Going to the cinemas is actually a very serious affair. The other day, I took myself to the movies (I am not about the Mommy Yo outfit) and to my horror, the girls I met were made up to their ears at 8:00 PM. How preposterous!

On the off side, the roads are too beautiful and there are no drug addicted conductors to exchange words neither am I forced to inhale the demonic stench coming from their bodies. Everybody in Abuja is posh and even mouth odor is not called mouth odor, it is called the “odor from the middle class citizens”, “the scent of hustle”.

Either way, I am bent on blending in and there is nothing impossible for me so hopefully the guy I yelled at at the movies last night won’t turn out to be a  Director General at one of these ministries.



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